King’s Corner

I have but two days until I embark upon my eighth attempt at National Novel Writing Month.  For the uninitiated, this is an annual event that encourages normal, every-day people to write a novel in the span of thirty days.  The event caters to the “one-day novelists”, those who perpetually say “one day I’ll write a novel”, and the boasters who pick up books and regularly complain that they can do better than whatever “talentless hack” they’re reading at the time.  And it prods participants along with pep talks, community events called “write-ins”, and a big, nasty, looming deadline hanging over our heads.  In order to be declared a “winner”, one needs to reach a minimum of 50,000 words by midnight on November 30.

The object is not to have anything of quality but a working rough draft that one can go ahead with and do whatever you wish with.  Many people have a complete, albeit unpolished, story that they just pass around to their friends.  Some people go back and edit their work, tying up loose ends and turning their 30-day writing binge into a passable tale.  A few of these books are posted on self-publishing websites and blogs where they’re shared with the world at large and enjoyed by a very limited audience.  There are a lucky few, perhaps less than I can count on my own fingers, that have been picked up by a publisher and placed on the shelves at your local bookstore.

From previous years, I have six rough novels sitting idle on my computer, along with one short story from my very first ill-fated attempt at NaNoWriMo.  Two of them are unfinished, as I’ve only won four of my previous seven years.  And this year I’m adding to the collection once more with a satirical tale of a young man who finds success with an odd lucky talisman: A severed human foot.  Why do things pile up?  Well, I suppose there’s the issue of time.  I do tend to find things to do that take precedent over writing, despite how much I enjoy it as a hobby (hence the infrequency of posts here).  And then there’s the fact that I have no experience actually editing large works, as my earlier fictional writings have been short stories and my formal writing classes have all been on writing essays and short stories.  So, it is a daunting task for which I have little idea where to start.

So, what does this mean to you, my small and oft-neglected audience?  Does this mean that you’ll have to wait a full month for the next blog entry?  No, it means that I will treat you to a full month of more frequent posts.  Since I’m forcing myself to write in mass quantities this month, I may as well share some of the good bits here.  Keep watching, and I’ll attempt to delight you with that which delights me in my writing.  And please comment often.  I need to be reassured that I’m not a total hack.

For those who haven’t been paying attention, two large money-making, for-profit companies representing part of the local identity of the Minneapolis and St. Paul metro area that have both been trying to belly up to the public trough to expand their businesses have also recently teamed up for a naming rights deal.  One is, of course, the Minnesota Vikings, whose lease on the utterly unglamorous and wholly unprofitable Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome is up in two years, who have been trying for the last few years to get the state of Minnesota to pony up two thirds of the one billion dollars it will take to build a new place for them to play on the site of the Dome (here’s a link to the Wikipedia article about it).  The other is the Mall of America, who went to the state legislature for a hand-out to help build parking ramps and get a tax break on their Phase II expansion and instead only got permission to hound the City of Bloomington for the cash.  And when the two struck a deal to have the Vikings play on “Mall of America Field at the HHH Metrodome”, well, a natural solution hit me.

Why not incorporate a new Vikings stadium as part of the Mall of America expansion?

Of course, the first thing I had to do was even see if it was feasible, so I did a quick couple of screen shots and cobbled together this image:

So, there’s plenty of space to fit a stadium on that empty parking lot where the planned mall expansion is, and it looks like there’s still ample space to put a ring of stores around it.  Now, on to the particulars of why this could work:

First off, it’s a financial killing of two birds with one stone.  Both entities are vying for public money to support the expansion of their private businesses and put money into their personal pockets.  As evil as that sounds, both entities are also part of the local fabric, not just giving us locals something to do but also bringing in plenty of other folk from yonder to leave their money here as well as giving plenty of other locals the chance to make money on the reputations of these entertainment behemoths.  So, it’s not entirely a cut-and-dry issue when they want a little help from the public because of how much they actually do contribute to the public good as they rake in cash for themselves.  But with the financial crunch that the state is in right now, we need creative ways to not spend so much money and tossing the cash at one location to serve two entities just seems to make sense.  Sure, that’s how we got stuck with the Metrodome and all it’s blandness and mediocrity in its dual identity of football and baseball stadium, but we can learn from our past mistakes, right?

One of the big reasons that the Vikings want to stay downtown, and rightfully so, is that all the infrastructure is already there.  There’s a light rail stop just out their front door, two freeways run close by with several exits to easily get there, and there’s a whole host of pre- and post-game hot spots for the fans.  That’s why their plan to move to Blaine failed, the additional costs of building the infrastructure to get people to the games was about as enormous as building the stadium itself.  Incidentally, the Mall of America has this infrastructure.  It’s at the other end of the Hiawatha Light Rail line from the Dome, there are easy exits from the two freeways that go past it, and the fourth floor bar and nightclub area is slowly resurrecting itself now that smoking is banned everywhere and not just in Hennepin County.  The current plan of Zigi Wilf, Vikings owner, is to have a vibrant shopping and entertainment district crop up around the new stadium to replace the blocks and blocks of parking lots currently spotting the landscape of the Dome, but with the MOA this vibrant district would just be indoors.  But what about that grand view of downtown Minneapolis that the new stadium would have?  Well, a stadium at the MOA could still have that view if you point the field in that direction, it’s just that the skyscrapers would look a bit shorter.  Heck, let’s make sure you can see St. Paul, too.

The Mall of America, while still a big draw, is looking for that next big step to reestablish itself at the top.  It’s debatable whether or not it’s actually the largest mall in the United States, as the King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania technically has more retail square footage even though our MOA has more overall square footage thanks to the theme park in the middle of it, and the MOA can’t even claim to be the largest on the continent with the West Edmonton Mall lurking up there in Canada.  Sure, the current Phase II plans include a lot more stores, a hotel, and even a branch of the famed Mayo Clinic.  But why not plunk a football field right in the middle of it, too?  That mall up in Canada has their ice palace, some miniature hockey rink where the Oilers used to practice.  Having a full-sized NFL stadium where they play actual games inside the mall would just blow that whole ice “palace” out of the water.  And I’m sure that on the 357 non-game days the MOA and Vikings could find ways to rent out the space and make a little money off of it.  And just think of how perfect it would be for the Minnesota State High School Prep Bowl.  High school kids like to hang out at malls, right?

So, there you have it.  It seems like it’s just another harebrained scheme, but there is some sense to it.  Talk to your state legislatures, get Zigi Wilf and the Ghermezians on the phone, and let’s bring the Vikings back to their ancestral home.  You do remember that the Mall of America is built on the ruins of old Metropolitan Stadium, right?  Just look for the baseball plate commemorating the exact location of the old stadium’s plate near the stage and the new Spongebob roller coaster, along with the exact same seat that Harmon Killebrew nailed with a home run hidden somewhere on the log chute ride.  Yeah, let’s bring the Vikings home.